Humorous Quotes

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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy. - Dave Barry

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. - Friedrich Nietzsche 

I have made an important discovery... that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. - Jim Bishop

For every wound, a balm. For every sorrow, cheer. For every storm, a calm. For every thirst, a beer. - Unknown

There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy … like nailing a jelly to a tree for example. - Unknown

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; A woman loses hers after four kisses. - H. L. Mencken

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. - Benjamin Franklin

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer. - Robert Quillen

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. - Roseanne Barr

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am. - Bernard M. Baruch

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. - Unknown