Humorous Quotes

If somebody says “I love you” to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can anybody reply under such conditions but that which the pistol holder requires? “I love you, too.” - Kurt Vonnegut

I love the marriage ceremony. I love the honeymoon phase. I just don't want to be married. I'm not marriage material, but I am a very good honeymooner. - Fern Michaels

How happy is it for us, that the admiration of others should depend so much more on their ignorance than our perfection! - Fulke Greville

I never have tantrums. If anything makes me mad, I’m silent. If I’m not talking, leave me alone. - Pat Nixon

My advice for a person who’s just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms…faster. - Jarod Kintz

Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash. - Joyce Brothers

A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her – as long as it's a diamond. - Evan Esar

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes. - Benny Bellamacina

Don’t let people drive you crazy when you know it’s in walking distance. - Unknown

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting. - Billy Rose

Adversity causes some people to break; others to break records. - Unknown

For more Humorous quotes click Here