Humorous Quotes

I don’t think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups. - Rita Rudner

Once in a while our school has half days, and the teachers spend the afternoon ‘in service,’ which I think must be a group therapy for having to deal with us. - Neal Shusterman

Some women are born beautiful, others achieve beauty, and still others are on good terms with the society editors. - Robert Elliott Gonzales

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. - George Bernard Shaw

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good. - Woody Allen

Ten gods cannot change the opinion of one fool, especially if another fool agrees with him. - Abraham Miller

Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald. - Evan Esar

A good friend will help you move, a best friend will help you move a dead body. - Unknown

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. - Johnny Carson

Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black. - Henry George Bohn

A Man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West

No one dances sober, unless he is insane. - Cicero

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