Humorous Quotes

I found a money back guarantee on a beauty cream. Rushed down to the store. They took one look at me and paid me in advance. - Phyllis Diller

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker. - Holly Hood

The condom broke. I know how stupid that sounds. It’s the reproductive version of the dog ate my homework. - Jennifer Weiner

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love. - Unknown

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. - Jane Austen

When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. - Tennessee Williams

We all want to be the best at something. Trouble is, some people are only the best at being second best. - Jarod Kintz

Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka. - Jim Butcher

Money won’t make you happy … but everybody wants to find out for themselves. - Zig Ziglar

Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths. - Evan Esar

I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist. - Gena Showalter

A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job. - Ella Harris

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