Humorous Quotes

The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think of the damage they would do if they were at the job instead, you can see why golf courses are a wise investment for any municipality. - Garrison Keillor

I was depressed ... I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. - Woody Allen

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? - Fran Lebowitz

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years. - Lee Trevino

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will. - Robert Frost

If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now. - Jarod Kintz

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. - Edward Cullen

Money Can’t Buy Happiness but It Beats the Hell out of Poverty. - Sharon Law Tucker

Twins are so practical … it's always so nice to have a spare! - Liza Prescott

The family that stays together probably has only one car. - Knofel Staton

The past is always tense, the future perfect. - Zadie Smith

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