Humorous Quotes

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. - Nick Hornby

There are too many stupid people in the world. I’m not saying we should kill them all or anything. Just take the warning labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself. - Unknown

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night. - Charles M. Schulz

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. - William Castle

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence. - Jarod Kintz

They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much. - Malcolm Cowley

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her. A man, of the woman who he didn't. - Grenville Kleiser

I could study all my life and not think up half the amount of funny things they can think of in one Session of Congress. - Will Rogers

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Unknown

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before. - Mae West

The older I got, the smarter my teachers became. - Ally Carter

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