Humour

Definitions You Won’t See In The Dictionary

Man: an animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. - Ambrose Bierce

Marriage: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. - Ambrose Bierce

Pessimism: a valuable protection against quackery. - John Ralston Saul

Philosophy: a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. - Ambrose Bierce

Politics: a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

Politics: the art of appearing candid and completely open while concealing as much as possible. - Frank Herbert

Quotation: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another. - Ambrose Bierce

Sailing - the fine art of slowly going nowhere at great expense while being cold, wet and miserable. - Irv Heller

Science: the creation of dilemmas by the solution of mysteries. - Brian Herbert & Kevin J. Anderson

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together. - Sam Levenson

Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single. - Unknown

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch. - Unknown

Tomorrow: a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored. - Unknown