Sunday, 1 June 2008

Corporate Lessons

Corporate Lesson 1

            A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
            A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
            The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
            So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
            A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
            Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 2

            A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
            They rub it and a Genie comes out.
            The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
            “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk.
            “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.
            “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.
            “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.
            The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
            Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 3

            There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splattering when he hit the floor. Dead.
            The moral of the story is: Never fly off the handle when you know you are full of shit.

Corporate Lesson 4

            A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
            The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
            When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
            Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that
            After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
            After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
            The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
            When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
            “It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies.
            “Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
            Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 5

            A turkey was chatting with a bull.
            “I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree,” sighed the
turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
            “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
            The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
            The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
            Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
            Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
            Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

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