Sunday, 22 June 2008

Things I learned From The Movies

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds. 

Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation. 

It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. 

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. 

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. 

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. 

No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. 

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. 

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. 

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. 

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. 

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child. 

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on. 

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people-whether they are employed or not. 

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. 
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society. 

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of twenty-two. 

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. 

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least twenty minutes to escape. 

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. 

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. 

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving. 

You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. 

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. 

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. 

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. 

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

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