I Owe My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that’s why."

4. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about."

5. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

6. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

7. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

8. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

9. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

10. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?"

11. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you’ll understand."

12. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

13. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do."