After the college boy delivered the telegram, the man at the door asked, “What is the usual tip for a delivery?”
“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other fellows say that if I get a dime out of you, I’m doing great.”
“Is that so?” snorted the man. “Just to show them how wrong they are, here’s a dollar.”
“Thanks,” replied the messenger. “I’ll put this into my special school fund.”
“What are you studying?” asked the man.
The lad smiled, “Applied psychology.”
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.
“How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”
Feeling unwell, a guy went to see his doctor. The doctor examined him.... temperature, blood pressure, looked down the throat, tested knee jerk reflexes, tested pulse... everything in the book... After half an hour he scratched his head and looked mystified... “Blowed if I can tell what’s wrong with you.... it must be the liquor.’’
“Well, never mind, doctor; I’ll come back when you’re sober,” the guy replied.
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