Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian (from Greek, meaning "beyond" and "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

            Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.

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No news is good news. No journalists is even better. - Nicolas Bentley

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. - Unknown

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. - Unknown

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

One should forgive one’s enemies, but not before they are hanged. - Heinrich Heine

People hate the truth. Luckily, the truth doesn’t care. - Larry Winger

People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. - Anatole France

Pleasing everyone is impossible. Infuriating them is easier and far more amusing. - Unknown

Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out. - Unknown

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. - Erma Bombeck

She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. - Groucher Marx

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.  - Unknown

Success is relative; more the success, more the relatives. - Unknown

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure. - Earl Wilson 

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. - Unknown

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame. - Erica Jong

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. - Unknown