Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironic, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

A technique is a trick that works. - Gian-Carlo Rota

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. - Fred Allen

A thick skin is a gift from God. - Konrad Adenauer

A thousand people will stop smoking today. Their funerals will be held sometime in the next three or four days. - C. E. Koop

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. - Rudyard Kipling

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore De Balzac

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. - Herbert Clark Hoover

Abstract Art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. - Albert Camus

After all is said and done, more has usually been said than done. - Michael W. Hamrick

After marriage, a woman’s sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man’s so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her. - Helen Rowland

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident it makes you wonder about history. How do we know, for sure, what ever happened anywhere? - Unknown

Ain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain’t that a big enough majority in any town? - Mark Twain

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance. - Will Rogers

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. - Unknown