Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

I’ve a grand memory for forgetting. - Robert Lois Stevenson

I’ve always been interested in people, but I’ve never liked them. - Henry James 

I’ve always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth 

I’ve arrived, and to prove it, I’m here. - Max Bygraves

I’ve been on a calendar, but never on Time. - Marilyn Monroe

I’ve never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It’s probably because they have forgotten their own. - Margaret Atwood

If a man sits down to think, he is immediately asked if he has a headache. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If age imparted wisdom, there wouldn't be any old fools. - Claudia Young

If at first you don’t succeed, well, so much for skydiving. - Victor O''Reilly

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in. - Bradley's Bromide

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius. - Larry Leissner

If even dying is to be made a social function, then, grant me the favor of sneaking out on tiptoe without disturbing the party. - Dag Hammarskjold

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening. - George Barzan

If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it. - Marcus Martial

If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while. - Joseph Schenck