Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston Churchill

The instinct of a man is to pursue everything that flies from him, and to fly from all that pursue him. - Voltaire

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. - Mark Twain

The last time we mixed religion with politics, people got burned at the stake. - Unknown

The law is a strange thing. It makes a man swear to tell the truth, and every time he shows signs of doing so, some lawyer objects. - Unknown

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. - Alfred Hitchcock

The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train. - Robert Lowell

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on. - Robert Bloch

The man who says “I may be wrong, but…” does not believe there can be any such possibility. - Kin Hubbard

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. - Laurence Peter

The matters I relate are true lies. - Jean Cocteau

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

The more things change, the more they remain the same. - Unknown

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - Unknown

The most interesting thing about a postage stamp is the persistence with which it sticks to its job. - Napoleon Hill