Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Women who miscalculate are called mothers. - Abigail Van Buren

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do … Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. - Mark Twain

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde

Writing a novel is like making love, but it’s also like having a tooth pulled. Pleasure and pain. Sometimes it’s like making love while having a tooth pulled. - Dean Koontz

Writing came easy – it would only get hard when I got better at it. - Gary Wills

You are looking as fresh as paint. - Francis Edward Smedley

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars. - Charles Kuralt

You can have it all. You just can't have it all at once. - Oprah Winfrey

You can include me out. - Samuel Goldwyn

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. - Woody Allen 

You can make a killing in the theatre, but not a living. - Robert Anderson

You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people. - Will Rogers

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the  food. So you are grateful. - Paul Theroux

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O''Rourke

You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war. - Napoleon Bonaparte