Humorous Qotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Whenever the occasion arose, he rose to the occasion. - Jonathan Brown

Where sits our sulky, sullen dame, Gathering her brows like gathering storm, Nursing her wrath to keep it warm. - Robert Burns

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries. - Unknown

While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don’t keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove. - Edward Stevenson

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, Well, okay, that’s enough of that. - George Carlin

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they’d never been born the first time? - Katharine Whitehorn

Why has not man a microscopic eye? For this plain reason, man is not a fly. - Pope Alexander

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? - Ernest Gaines

Why it is that of all the billions and billions of strange objects in the Cosmos-novas, quasars, pulsars, black holes – you are beyond doubt the strangest? - Walker Percy

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t! - George Bernard Shaw

Wild oats make a bad autumn crop. - Cynic's Calendar

'Will you walk into my parlor?' said a spider to a fly: 'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy.' - Mary Howitt 

Wit is a treacherous dart. It is perhaps the only weapon with which it is possible to stab oneself in one’s own back. - Geoffrey Bocca

With just enough of learning to misquote. - Lord Byron