Humorous Quotes

Humorous, quirky quotes – some of which are also profoundly true.

When things go well, you should be suspicious. When things go exceptionally well, start sniffing for the dog crap on the bottom of your shoe. - Rob Thurman

Love is a very difficult – occupation. You got to work at it, man. It ain't a thing every Tom, Dick and Harry has got a true aptitude for. - Tennessee Williams

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient, and then repent. - Bob Dylan

Whoever said “You can’t buy love”, probably never went into a pet shop! - Tom Wilson

It is ill-manners to silence a Fool, and Cruelty to let him go on. - George Savile

Only the guy who isn’t rowing has time to rock the boat. - Jean-Paul Sartre

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer. - Oscar Wilde

Life is hard, but it's harder if you're stupid. - Michael Crichton

Who needs friends? I have the Internet! - Unknown

So far, this is the oldest I've been. - George Carlin