Humorous Quotes

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The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?” - Sigmund Freud

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. - Kathleen Mifsud

They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay. - Daniel Handler

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. - Dave Barry

You don’t see faith healers working in hospitals for the same reason you don’t see psychics winning the lottery. - Unknown

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. - Dorothy Parker

A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working. - Unknown

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs. - Jeanne-Marie Roland

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? - Lily Tomlin

Let’s save time and just assume I know everything. - Unknown