Humorous Quotes

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Children ask better questions than adults. “May I have a cookie?”, “Why is the sky blue?” and “What does a cow say?”, are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than, “Where's your manuscript?”, Why haven’t you called?” and “Who's your lawyer?” - Fran Lebowitz

In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time. - Abraham Lincoln

The Pentagon has allowed women to serve in combat. Yeah, the hope is that we can now finally defeat the Taliban by giving them the silent treatment. - Conan O’brien

I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. - Friedrich Nietzsche

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him? - Jerry Seinfeld

Some would be sages if they did not believe they were so already. - Baltasar Gracian

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? - Albert Einstein

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. – Unknown

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. - Will Rogers

God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. - Unknown

Born free!! Now I'm expensive. - Unknown

Dad's the boss, mom said so. - Unknown