Humorous Quotes

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Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. - Marcel Achard

Life – and I don't suppose I'm the first to make this comparison – is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal. - Neil Gaiman

The rights of the minority must be protected, and the rich are always fewer in number than the poor. - John A. Macdonald

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.” - William S. Burroughs

A woman does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back. - Edgar Watson Howe

Sometimes the grass will appear greener on the other side because it has been fertilized by bullshit! - Unknown

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. - Rita Rudner

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory. - Unknown

Feeling cold? Stand in the corner for a bit. They’re usually 90 degrees. - Unknown

If you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you’re psychotic. - Unknown

Give me a child and I’ll shape him into anything. - B. F. Skinner

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Kinky Friedman