Humorous Quotes

Adam was but human – this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent. - Mark Twain

I like to call in sick to work at places where I've never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don't work there, I tell them I'd like to. But not today, as I'm sick. - Jarod Kintz

My grandfather’s a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there. - Ron Richards

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Death and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them! - Margaret Mitchell

Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer. - Evan Esar

Never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth. - Henrik Ibsen

It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up. - Joan Rivers

If you have everything under control, you’re not moving fast enough. - Mario Andretti

Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. - W.C. Fields

Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. - Regina Griffin

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