Humorous Quotes

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. - Dave Barry

A new study found that most people can't go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe. - Jimmy Fallon

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread. - Josh Billings

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. Mencken

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. - Laurell K. Hamilton

Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment. - Jarod Kintz

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library. - Frank Zappa

Dating a tennis player is risky - love means nothing to us. - Anna Kournikova

It’s a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating. - Regina Griffin

I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing. - Mae West

A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him. - Evan Esar

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand. - Jay Leno

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