Humorous Quotes

Lawyers enjoy a little mystery, you know. Why, if everybody came forward and told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth straight out, we should all retire to the workhouse. - Dorothy L. Sayers

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. - George H. W. Bush

Nothing in my life has ever made me want to commit suicide more than people’s reaction to my trying to commit suicide. - Emilie Autumn

My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying. - Unknown

Always remember this: ‘A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses’. - John Lennon

A fool and his money are soon parted, but it is remarkable how many fools have money to part from. - Edgar Guest

Only in this world do we laugh: in hell, it won’t be possible; and in heaven, it won't be proper. - Jules Renard

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation ... The other eight are unimportant. - Henry Miller

A woman is not written in braille. You don’t have to touch her to know her. - Unknown

Marriage is like a book. The whole story takes place between the covers. - Mae West

He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed. - Robert Gronock

If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all. - Albert King

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