Thursday, 12 January 2017

Definitions You Won’t See In The Dictionary

Etc.: end of Thinking Capacity. - Unknown

Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

Future: that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. - Ambrose

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. - Ambrose Bierce

Heathen: a benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel. - Ambrose Bierce

History: an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. - Ambrose Bierce

Imagination: a warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership. - Ambrose Bierce

Immortality: the condition of a dead man who doesn’t believe that he is dead. - H. L. Mencken

Jealousy: that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive. - Henry Havelock Ellis

Laziness. unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. - Ambrose Bierce

Leisure: fun taken seriously. - Mary Addink

Logic: the art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. - Ambrose Bierce

Love: a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. - Unknown

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