Humorous Quotes

I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it’s relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one? - Jarod Kintz

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years. - Mark Twain

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. - Unknown

Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old. - John Green

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy’s pocket on an airplane and made a run for it. - Rodney Dangerfield

You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it. - Evan Esar

Most people do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience – unless they are still up. - Ellen Goodman

Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them. - Dick Francis

I don’t know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot. - Marilyn Monroe

A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

Well-behaved women seldom make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me. - S. E. Hinton

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