Humorous Quotes

If we give all of the people who filed incorrect tax returns the benefit of the doubt and assume that every single one of them simply made an honest mistake, then doesn't common sense tell us that maybe the tax code is just a little too complex? - Glenn Beck

There are four stages to marriage. First there's the affair, then there's the marriage, then children, and finally the fourth stage, without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce. - Norman Mailer

It's been projected that Americans will spend over $13 billion this Valentine's Day. And guys who forget Valentine's Day will spend over $100 billion. - Conan O’Brien

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one – particularly if he plays golf, which he usually does. - Bertrand Russell

When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch. - Bette Davis

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. - Woody Allen

They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck. - Unknown

I do like men who come out frankly and own that they are not gods. - Louisa May Alcott

If a glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do. - Unknown

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice. - Bill Cosby

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. - Gore Vidal

In our family we don't divorce our men – we bury them. - Ruth Gordon

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