Humorous Quotes

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be. - Douglas Adams

So, now I've been to see a drug counsellor who told me I need to lay off the drugs and talk about my feelings, and a shrink who heard what I had to say and immediately put me on drugs. - Libby Bray

I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong. - Ray Romano

Men and women are natural enemies, like cat and dog – only more so. They are forced to live together for a time, or this wonderful race couldn't go on. - Neith Boyce

If your arteries are good, eat more ice cream. If they are bad, drink more red wine. Proceed thusly. - Sandra Byrd

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. - Oscar Wilde

Luck is looking for a needle in a haystack and coming out with the farmer's daughter. - Phyllis Martin

With adolescent egotism and a lot of money one can pretty much rule the world. - Glen Duncan

A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t. - Rhonda Hansome

I don’t believe in the afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. - Woody Allen

The difference between two men is usually a woman. - Evan Esar

I’ve never lost a game I just ran out of time. - Michael Jordan

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