Humorous Quotes

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. - Erma Bombeck

You can’t be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER. - Frank Zappa

Where there's a doctor it's always a bad sign. Even when they are not doing the killing themselves it means a death is close, and in that way they are like ravens or crows. - Margaret Atwood

Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle. - Paulo Coelho

She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to. - Jarod Kintz

It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But ... it is better to be good than to be ugly. - Oscar Wilde

The girl who is chaste is probably a virgin; the girl who is chased is probably not. - Evan Esar

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx

If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them! - Unknown

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. - Barry Gray

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

You'll never catch a nudist with his pants down. - David Letterman

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