Humorous Quotes

There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm. One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery, and the other that heat comes from the furnace. - Aldo Leopold

I’m glad I don’t have any foreskin, because at a nude beach I’d feel overdressed. (It’d be the only time I could feel overdressed by showing too much skin). - Jarod Kintz

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. - Mark Twain

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein

Tomorrow night I'm giving a lecture on silence and invisibility. Don't be surprised if I don't show up. - Jarod Kintz

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. - Erma Bombeck

I don't understand men. I don't even understand what I don't understand about men. - Maureen Dowd

You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins. - Mae West

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers. - Evan Esar

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. - Unknown

The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage. - Evan Esar

Think before you speak, unless it’s urgent. - Benny Bellamacina

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