Humorous Quotes

Fate does not invite ugly boring people to save the world; and if you do try to save the world (without being beautiful, strong, clever, or wise), you will soon die pointlessly and how much adventure is there in that? - James Alan Gardner

By taking a second wife he pays the highest compliment to the first, by showing that she made him so happy as a married man, that he wishes to be so a second time. - Samuel Johnson

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house. - Unknown

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you. - Paul Newman

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It’s really funny. - Brandon Sanderson

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. - Mark Twain

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. - Jennifer Unlimited

Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill. - Christopher Parker

Joy and sorrow are like milk and cookies. That's how well they go together. - Neil Gaiman

The snag about marriage is, it isn't worth the divorce. - Suzanne Finnamore

Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands. - Evan Esar

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