English Church Bulletins as they actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Adapted from a variety of sources including Funny Church Bulletin Board Notices):
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Join us tonight for prayers, coffee and fresh beagles.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor.”
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.”
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Wrinkled with burdens? Come to church for a faith lift!