Monday, 10 July 2017

Humorous Quotes

The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes. - Marilyn Sokol

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

It’s always useful to know where a friend-and-relation is, whether you want him or whether you don’t. - Winnie the Pooh

The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry. - Unknown

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. - Phyllis Diller

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him. - Cher

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. - Ambrose Bierce

Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don’t you? - Ben Hogan

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night - Dave Barry

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages. - Terry Pratchett

Video games are a waste of time for men with nothing else to do. - Ray Bradbury

Click Here for more humorous quotes, or Here for the book ‘Of Wit ‘n’ Humour’

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