Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

If I look confused it is because I am thinking. - Samuel Goldwyn

If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all. - Joey Adams

If it's true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. - Doris Day

If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name. - A. A. Milne

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later to be found out. - Oscar Wilde

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars. - Abbie Hoffman

If some great catastrophe is not announced every morning, we feel a certain void. Nothing in the paper today, we sigh. - Lord Acton 

If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. - Norman Augustine

If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher. - Unknown

If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener . . . it must be all the fertilizer they are using. - Kevin Rodowicz

If things go wrong, don’t go with them. - Roger Babson 

If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. - Norman Augustine 

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. - Laurence Peter

If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and colour, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon. - George Aiken

If you are good for nothing else, you can still serve as a bad example. - Peter Ludwig Berger

Life - Quotes

Three simple rules in life: If you do not GO after what you want, you will never have it. If  you do not ASK, the answer will always be NO. If you do not STEP FORWARD, you’ll always be in the SAME PLACE. - Unknown

The meaning of life is just to be alive.it is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves. - Alan Watts

Life is about balance. Be kind. But don’t let people abuse you. Trust. But don’t be deceived. Be content. But never stop improving yourself. - Unknown

Don’t take life so seriously … you will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research. -Carl Jung

Life is like an ice cream, enjoy it before it melts. - Unknown

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So if you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in your life is a beginning, not an ending. - Neale Donald Walsch

Life goes on … whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown, or stay being, locked in the past, thinking of what could’ve been. - Unknown

Life is a journey from moment to moment. Live each moment to its fullest. - Garth Catterall-Heart

Life  is one big road with lots of signs. So when you are riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake up and live. - Bob Marley

Life is the art of drawing without an eraser. - John Gardner

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Quote Worthy

We can speak without voice to the trees and the clouds and the waves of the sea. Without words they respond through the rustling of leaves and the moving of clouds and the murmuring of the sea. - Paul Tillich

I try to do the right thing at the right time. They may just be little things, but usually they make the difference between winning and losing. - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Sometimes I would almost rather have people take away years of my life than take away a moment. - Pearl Bailey

If you make it plain you like people, it’s hard for them to resist liking you back. - Lois Mcmaster Bujold

Many individuals have, like uncut diamonds, shining qualities beneath a rough exterior. - Unknown

The one whose judgment counts most in your life is the one staring back in the mirror. - Unknown

It’s your aptitude, not just your attitude that determines your ultimate altitude. - Zig Ziglar

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw

One eye witness is better than ten hear sayers. - Titus Maccius Plautus

We do survive every moment, after all, except the last one. - John Updike

He who angers you conquers you. - Unknown

If it is to be, it is up to me! - Unknown

Some Lovely Sceneries

 Mendenhall Ice Cave, Alaska

 Mount Roraima, South America

 Naica Mine, Mexico - 1

 Naica Mine, Mexico - 2

Red Beach, Panjin, China

Quote Worthy

Starting something new, or making a big change, requires effort, persistence, and motivation … doubt, fear, and worry will only slow you down. Focus on doing your best now, and celebrate every step of the way. - Doe Zantamata 

If your imagination leads you to understand how quickly people grant your requests when those requests appeal to their self-interest, you can have practically anything you go after. - Napoleon Hill

It is this simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences. - Aristotle

Appreciate those who love you. Help those who need you. Forgive those who hurt you. Forget those who leave you. - Unknown

Don’t complain about someone not treating you right. If you know you deserve better, why are  you with them? - Unknown

 

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together. - Marcus Aurelius

No man likes to have his intelligence or good faith questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself. - Henry Adams

You can't know too much, but you can say too much. - Calvin Coolidge

Be to her virtues very kind. Be to her faults a little blind. - Matthew Prior

Not being able to govern events, I govern myself. - Michel De Montaigne

Potential remains potential until it is motivated. - Unknown

Nobody ever forgets where he buried a hatchet. - Unknown

Spiritual - Quotes

Empty yourself of everything. Let the mind become still. The ten thousand things rise and fall while the Self watches their return. They grow and flourish and then return to the Source. Returning to the Source is stillness, which is the way of nature. - Lao Tzu

Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. - Unknown

When you step aside and tune in to the wisdom of the universe, you are preparing the way for new opportunities and exiting possibilities to show up in  your life. - Sherri Bishop

Be as simple as you can be; you will be astonished to see how uncomplicated and happy your life can become. - Paramahansa Yogananda

Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. - Lao Tzu

Trust the process of life to unfold just the way it needs to for your soul’s perfect path. - Sherri Bishop

When you stop doing what insults yoru Soul, your Journey accelerates and your Life begins to fill with Joy. - Unknown

The heart of all spiritual teaching is simple. Be love. Be peace. Be harmony. Be compassion. Be joy. - Unknown

It’s your journey and yours alone. Others may take it with you, but no one can take it for you. - Rumi

To truly hear, you must quiet the mind. - Sherri Bishop

Quote Worthy

Everything that is new or uncommon raises a pleasure in the imagination, because it fills the soul with an agreeable surprise, gratifies its curiosity, and gives it an idea of which it was not before possessed. - Joseph Addison

The way of moving on sometimes can be found in figuring out why something had to happen, but other times moving on can only be found in fully accepting that it did. - Doe Zantamata 

I don’t have everything figured out, but I will always keep trying to do my best, do what’s right and keep moving forward – one step at a time. - Unknown

Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolutions. - Kahlil Gibran

If something seems harder, do it as a hobby and it will be easier. Call it ‘work’ and it will be harder for you. - Unknown

We learn and grow and are transformed not so much by what we do but by why and how we do it. - Sharon Salzberg

Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. - Pema Chodron

Every human being is the author of his own health or disease. - The Buddha

Nothing is really lost. It’s just where it doesn’t belong. - Suzanne Mueller

Goodwill is earned by many acts; it can be lost by one. - Duncan Stuart

The good you do is not lost though you forget it. - Unknown

When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge. - Unknown

Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

I’ve a grand memory for forgetting. - Robert Lois Stevenson

I’ve always been interested in people, but I’ve never liked them. - Henry James 

I’ve always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth 

I’ve arrived, and to prove it, I’m here. - Max Bygraves

I’ve been on a calendar, but never on Time. - Marilyn Monroe

I’ve never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It’s probably because they have forgotten their own. - Margaret Atwood

If a man sits down to think, he is immediately asked if he has a headache. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If age imparted wisdom, there wouldn't be any old fools. - Claudia Young

If at first you don’t succeed, well, so much for skydiving. - Victor O''Reilly

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in. - Bradley's Bromide

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius. - Larry Leissner

If even dying is to be made a social function, then, grant me the favor of sneaking out on tiptoe without disturbing the party. - Dag Hammarskjold

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening. - George Barzan

If fame is only to come after death, I am in no hurry for it. - Marcus Martial

If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while. - Joseph Schenck

Quote Worthy

The hell to be endured hereafter, of which theology tells, is no worse than the hell we make for ourselves in this world by habitually fashioned our characters in the wrong way. - William James

It is in vain to hope to please all alike. Let a man stand with his face in what direction he will, he must necessarily turn his back on one half of the world. - George D. Prentice

How to work with people: Know their strong points and use them, know their weaknesses and watch out for them – accept them as they are. - Unknown

Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. - Franklin Pierce Adams

Everything that happens happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so. - Marcus Aurelius

Title and ancestry render a good man more illustrious, but an ill one more contemptible. - Joseph Addison

My friend, all motion is relative, maybe it is you who have moved away by standing still. - Unknown

They say everything in the world is good for something. - John Dryden

The worst ruler is one who cannot rule himself. - Marcus Porcius Cato 

See everything. Overlook a great deal. Improve a little. - Unknown

All endings are also beginnings. - Unknown

He who is down fears no fall. - Unknown

Some Lovely Sceneries

 Hitachi Seaside Park, Japan

 Lake Hillier, Australia

 Lake Retba, Senegal

 Lavender Fields - 1

Lavender Fields - 2