Humorous Quotes

A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage. - Jimmy Fallon

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. - Ron White

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit. - Eric Porterfield

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. - Jarod Kintz

Laughter was the most terrible weapon: you can kill anything with laughter. - Yevgeny Zamyatin

Always wear cute pyjamas to bed, you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams. - Joel Madden

I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me. - David Levithan

The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less. - Howard Taylor

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain. - Mae West

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise. - Noel Coward

When in doubt, punt! - John Heisman

Click Here for more humorous quotes, or Here for the book ‘Of Wit ‘n’ Humour’

Success

Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfilment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. - Jack Canfield

The great successful men of the world have used their imagination ... they think ahead and create their mental picture, and then go to work materializing that picture in all its details, filling in here, adding a little there, altering this a bit and that a bit, but steadily building, steadily building. - Robert Collier

The truth is, success often occurs for reasons we don’t expect, under circumstances over which we have little control and sometimes unrelated to our own efforts. There is only one other lesson that success should teach us: Be as amazed by your own success as your friends are. If you truly are, you stand the best chance to repeat it. - Harvey Mackay

Here is the prime condition of success: Concentrate your energy, thought and capital exclusively upon the business in which you are engaged. Having begun on one line, resolve to fight it out on that line, to lead in it, adopt every improvement, have the best machinery, and know the most about it. - Andrew Carnegie

Success is not a destination, but the road that you’re on. Being successful means that you’re working hard and walking your walk every day. You can only live your dream by working hard towards it. That’s living your dream. - Marlon Wayans

More on Success Here

Quote Worthy

The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us. - Paul Valéry

Some days you will be the light for others, and some days you will need some light from them. As long as there is light, there is hope, and there is a way. - Unknown

When you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because it’s the mind that gets angry but the heart still cares. - Unknown

A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. - Charles Dickens

What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are. - C. S. Lewis

If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. - John F. Kennedy

After hard work, the biggest determinate is being in the right place at the right time. - Michael Bloomberg

The fly on the water buffalo's back thinks he is taller than the water buffalo. - Filipino Proverb

It’s by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best. - Ernest Hemingway

You will never find the right person, if you never let go of the wrong one. - Unknown

We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why. - Stephen King

The beginning is the most important part of any work. - Plato

More quotes Here
And the book Quote Worthy

Anti-Cancer Fruits

9 excellent anti-cancer fruits to include in your diet.

Read all about them here Anti-Cnacer Fruits

Food for Thought

One day, we all will depart on a journey free of cost. Don’t worry about seat reservation, it is confirmed. The flight is always on time. Our good deeds will be our luggage. Humanity will be our passport. Love will be our visa. Make sure we do our best to travel to Heaven in business class. - Unknown

Man is buffeted by circumstances so long as he believes himself to be the creature of outside conditions, but when he realizes that he is a creative power, and that he may command the hidden soil and seed of his being out of which his circumstance grow, he then becomes the rightful master of himself. - Unknown

As you begin to take action toward the fulfilment of your goals and dreams, you must realize that not every action will be perfect. Not every action will produce the desired result. Not every action will work. Making mistakes, getting it almost right, and experimenting to see what happens are all part of the process of eventually getting it right. - Jack Canfield

Developing excellent communication skills is absolutely essential to effective leadership. The leader must be able to share knowledge and ideas to transmit a sense of urgency and enthusiasm to others. If a leader can’t get a message across clearly and motivate others to act on it, then having a message doesn’t even matter. - Gilbert Amelio

Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful. - Mark Victor Hansen

More Food for Thought Here or Here for the book Food for Thought

Humorous Quotes

Allow me to offer my congratulations on the truly admirable skill you have shown in keeping clear of the mark. Not to have hit once in so many trials, argues the most splendid talents for missing. - Thomas De Quincey

What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He’s a loser – that’s why he’s number two. - Jarod Kintz

If animals could speak the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight. - Jarod Kintz

A negative judgment gives you more satisfaction than praise, provided it smacks of jealousy. - Jean Baudrillard

So tell me, where shall I go? To the left, where nothing’s right? Or to the right, where nothings left? - Unknown

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. - Mel Brooks

It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is? - Amy Neftzger

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. - Mindy Kaling

The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini. - Evan Esar

When a thief kisses you, count your teeth. - Yiddish Proverb

It is better to be looked over than overlooked. - Mae West

Click Here for more humorous quotes, or Here for the book ‘Of Wit ‘n’ Humour’

Life - Quotes

At this age, everything is changing. Day by day we don’t notice, but just look back over the past year and you will realise everything has. People you thought that were going to be there forever aren’t, and people you never imagined you’d be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make. So make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all of this is only going to be memories. - Unknown

The purpose of life seems to be to acquaint a man with himself and whatever science or art or course of action he engages in reacts upon and illuminates the recesses of his own mind. Thus friends seem to be only mirrors to draw out and explain to us ourselves; and that which draws us nearer our fellow man, is, that the deep Heart in one, answers the deep Heart in another, – that we find we have (a common Nature) – one life which runs through all individuals, and which is indeed Divine. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The zest for life of those unusual men and women who make a great zealous success of living is due more often in good part to the craftiness and pertinacity with which they manage to overlook the misery of others. You can watch them watch life beat the stuffing out of the faces of their friends and acquaintances, although they themselves seem to outwit the dense delalys of social custom, the tedious tick-tock of bureaucratic obfuscation, accepting loss and age and change and disappointment without suffering punctures in their stomach lining. - Edward Hoagland

More on Life Here

And more in the book, The Mystery of Life

Quote Worthy

You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle. - Paulo Coelho

We are like the spider. We weave our life and then move along in it. We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives in the dream. This is true for the entire universe. - The Upanishads

If you feel like giving up, give up on that feeling and give into the realization there are endless possibilities waiting to be discovered before you. - Tom Althouse

When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is. - Unknown

Don’t worry about the people who hurt or hate you, worry about the people who love you, because that’s where your happiness is. - Unknown

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

You do not need to always conceptualize, interpret or label everything that comes into your awareness. - Eckhart Tolle

We are shaped by our thoughts. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. - Buddha

The problem with closed minded people, is that their mouth is always open. - Unknown

Pretending to be someone you're not is a waste of the person you are. - Kurt Cobain

If you hit every time the target’s too near. - Tom Hirshfield

At the end of the day, it is what it is. - Unknown

More quotes Here

Or for the book Quote Worthy, click Here

Trivia

Quotes by Experts, later proved terribly wrong.

I can’t guarantee the accuracy of all the points. :-)

It would appear that we have reached the limits of what is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in five years. - John von Neumann, computer inventor, 1949

Flight by machines heavier than air is impractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible. - Simon Newcomb, astronomer, 1902

When the president does it, that means it is not illegal. - Richard Nixon, 1977

There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. - Ken Olson, President of Digital Corporation, 1977

What use could this company make of an electrical toy? - William Orton, Western Union President, turning down Alexander Graham Bell’s offer to sell his telephone company for $100,000

Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is a ridiculous fiction. - Pierre Pachet, Professor Physiology, Toulouse, 1872

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. - Popular Mechanics, 1949

The energy produced by the breaking down of the atom is a very poor kind of thing. Anyone who looks for a source of power in the transformation of the atom is talking moonshine. - Ernest Rutherford, 1936

I should say that no railway locomotive ought to exceed 40 miles per hour on the most favourable gradient, but on a curved line the speed ought not to exceed 24 or 25 miles per hour. - George Stephenson, 1841

Such startling announcements as these should be deprecated as being unworthy of science and mischievous to its true progress. - Sir William Siemens (on Edison’s announcement of light bulb), 1880

The abolishment of pain in surgery is a chimera. It is absurd to go on seeking it today. - Dr. Alfred Velpeau, surgeon professor, Paris Faculty of Medicine, 1837

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? - Harry Warner (of Warner Bros), 1927

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. - Thomas J. Watson Snr., IBM Chairman, 1943

We have reached the limits of what is possible with computers. - John Von Neumann, 1949

With regard to the electric light, much has been said for and against it, but I think I may say without contradiction that when the Paris Exhibition closes, electric light will close with it, and no more will be heard of it. - Erasmus Wilson, Oxford University professor, 1878

I must confess that my imagination, in spite even of spurring, refuses to see any sort of submarine doing anything but suffocating its crew and floundering at sea. - H. G. Wells, 1901

Space travel is utter bilge. - Dr. Richard van der Riet Woolley, Astronomer Royal, 1956

I confess that in 1901 I said to my brother Orville that man would not fly for fifty years. Two years later we ourselves made flights. This demonstration of my impotence as a prophet gave me such a shock that ever since I have distrusted myself and avoided all predictions. - Wilbur Wright, 1908

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to better than a C, the idea must be feasible. - Yale professor, marking paper by Fred Smith, Federal Express founder, on business principles later used in FedEx

Video won’t be able to hold onto any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night. - Darryl F. Zanuck, 20th Century Fox, 1946

More Trivia Here

Food for Thought

Take action. Every story you’ve ever connected with, every leader you’ve ever admired, every puny little thing that you’ve ever accomplished is the result of taking action. You have a choice. You can either be a passive victim of circumstance or you can be the active hero of your own life. - Bradley Withford

A man’s ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. - Albert Einstein

Alas, everything that men say to one another is alike; the ideas they exchange are almost always the same, in their conversation. But inside all those isolated machines, what hidden recesses, what secret compartments! It is an entire world that each one carries within him, an unknown world that is born and dies in silence! What solitudes all these human bodies are! - Alfred de Musset

At first, the drudgery of mastering your craft is a prison – boring, slow, and with an awareness of how much time you’ll have to put in. But somewhere along your prison sentence, you come to see the time you put into your work not as dull and meager, but as meaningful – and you realize that your prison has become your palace, your place of escape. - Jarod Kintz

Develop and protect a moral sensibility and demonstrate the character to apply it. Dream big. Work hard. Think for yourself. Love everything you love, everyone you love, with all your might. And do so, please, with a sense of urgency, for every tick of the clock subtracts from fewer and fewer. - David McCullough Jr.

More Food for Thought Here or Here for the book Food for Thought