A magazine recently ran a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America.
I left out the names to protect the guilty parties.
As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.
What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.
This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.
No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.
Quote from the Boss: ‘Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.’
We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, 'That would be better for me.'