Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

Don't refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase. That's what wild geese are for. - Unknown

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. - Robert Charles Benchley

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it . . . like lunch or dinner. - George Burns

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. - George Carlin

Each twenty four hours, the world turns over on someone who was sitting on top of it. - Sir Hugh Percy Allen

Economy is going without something you do want in case you should, someday, want something you probably won’t want. - Anthony Hope

Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. - Scott Adams

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. - Laurence Peter

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other’s funeral. - Kehlog Albran

Ever notice that people never say "It's only a game" when they're winning? - Ivern Ball

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? - Unknown

Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else and usually it’s reading his own handwriting. - G. Norman Collie

Every man is surrounded by a neighbourhood of voluntary spies. - Jane Austen