Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironic, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. - Unknown

Before I begin speaking, there is something I would like to say. - Saul Gorn

Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won’t even lay down his newspaper. - Helen Rowland

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don’t we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak

Before you let yourself go, be sure you can get yourself back. - Dr. Roger Michael Ashley Allen

Before you meet the handsome prince you really have to kiss a lot of toads. - Unknown

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. - Erma Bombeck

Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery. - William Shakespeare

Being in your own business is working 80 hours a week so that you can avoid working 40 hours a week for someone else. - Ramona E. F. Arnett

Being over seventy is like being engaged in a war. All our friends are going or gone and we survive amongst the dead and the dying as on a battlefield. - St. Jerome

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. - Unknown

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. - Woody Allen 

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute. - Gil Stern

Boys will be boys - And even that wouldn’t matter if we could only prevent girls from being girls. - Anthony Hope