Humorous Quotes

I only know I was born on March 5th because someone told me. I don’t remember myself. So, it’s fact based on second hand information and trust. - Jarod Kintz

My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk. - Jarod Kintz

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. - W. Somerset Maugham

They say love is blind… and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet. - Mae West

Pig-headed stubbornness is the perseverance of somebody we don't like. - Robert Elliot Gonzales

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. - Unknown

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other. - Mark Twain

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird. - Frank Zappa

Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked. - Ovid

The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

With fools forbear to argue – better strive to wake the dead. - Bhartrhari

Staying on the fence is safe … until someone shoots you off! - Steven Charles

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