Humorous Quotes

I wonder if Mr. Right really exists? I’ve already met Mr. Player, Mr Psycho, Mr. Lazy, Mr User, Mr. Cheap, Mr. Married, and Mr. Stalker. - Unknown

And she’s got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need. - P.G. Wodehouse

Valentine's Day is weird. A nude flying baby that shoots arrows isn't a holiday. It's a horror movie. - Jimmy Kimmel

Most people have five senses, but you are blessed with six senses. An extra sense is NON SENSE. - Unknown

Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin

No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it. - Elizabeth Peters

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. - W. C. Fields

Luck sure didn't look like a lady tonight, more like the bitch she always was. - Rob Thurman

You know you’re an alcoholic when you misplace things for like a decade. - Paul Williams

Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is. - Vince Lombardi

Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde

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