Love

The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories that it has come to be disbelieved. Few people daresay nowadays that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet that is the way love begins, and only that way. - Victor Hugo

True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding. - Ellen G. Whit

Unrequited love does not die; it’s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before. - Elle Newmark

Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. It's like the tide going out, revealing whatever's been thrown away and sunk: broken bottles, old gloves, rusting pop cans, nibbled fishbodies, bones. - Margaret Atwood

Love is basically for teenagers, and when it comes to real life for grown-ups, you're far better off with someone who's moderately pleased to see you when you're around, but leaves you in peace when you've got things to do. - K. J. Parker

More on Love Here, and the book The Light of Love

Quote Worthy

By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands – your own. - Mark Victor Hansen

You are a piece of the puzzle of someone Else’s life. You may never know where you fit, but others will fill the holes in their lives with pieces of you. - Bonnie Arbon

We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. - Dalai Lama

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown. - Albert Einstein

We waste our whole life preparing for the future, not realizing that the only way to be happy is to embrace each moment. - Unknown

The answers you seek never come when the mind is busy, they come when the mind is still. - Unknown

Anyone can stand adversity but to test a person’s character, give them power. - Abraham Lincoln

It is easier to go down a hill than up, but the view is from the top. - Arnold Bennett

Sometimes, the best therapy is to be silent … and away from everyone. - Unknown

If you’ve got nothing to dance about, find a reason to sing. - Melody Carstairs

Those who do not complain are never pitied. - Jane Austen

He who limps is still walking. - Stanislaw Lec

More Quotes Here - And the book Quote Worthy

Trivia

I cannot guarantee the accuracy of all the points.

A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 m.p.h. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Fingernails grow nearly four times faster than toenails.

About one third of the human race has 20-20 vision. (Excluding those who had cataract surgeries).

All polar bears are left handed.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

At 188 decibels, the whistle of the blue whale is the loudest sound produced by any animal.

At Japan's Yunessun Spa Resort, visitors can go for a swim in their favorite beverage, such as in the Japanese Sake Spa, Green Tea Spa, Coffee Spa and Wine Spa. A massive 2 meter tall teapot with real green tea, real coffee made with hot spring water, a huge 3.6 meter tall wine bottle with real red wine, a huge cask filled with real Japanese sake, pours out the desired rejuvenating elixirs into the spa.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Because it takes so long for their light to reach Earth, many of the stars you see at night are long gone.

Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

Black pepper is the most popular spice in the world.

Brass doorknobs automatically disinfect themselves in about 8 hours.

Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w the film down so you could see his moves.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

By 60 years of age, 60% of men and 40% of women will snore.

Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

Cheetahs are the fastest land animal and can reach speeds up to 72 mph.

Food for Thought

To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget. - Arundhati Roy

We all experience many freakish and unexpected events – you have to be open to suffering a little. The philosopher Schopenhauer talked about how out of the randomness, there is an apparent intention in the fate of an individual that can be glimpsed later on. When you are an old guy, you can look back, and maybe this rambling life has some through-line. Others can see it better sometimes. But when you glimpse it yourself, you see it more clearly than anyone. - Viggo Mortensen

Smart people underestimate themselves; ignorant people think they’re brilliant. It’s a cognitive bias called the Dunning-Kruger effect, where the highly skilled assume that things they find easy are also easy for others, and the unskilled are so incompetent that they can’t recognize their own stupidity. - Unknown

More Food for Thought Here and the book Food for Thought

Humorous Quotes

There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm. One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery, and the other that heat comes from the furnace. - Aldo Leopold

I’m glad I don’t have any foreskin, because at a nude beach I’d feel overdressed. (It’d be the only time I could feel overdressed by showing too much skin). - Jarod Kintz

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. - Mark Twain

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein

Tomorrow night I'm giving a lecture on silence and invisibility. Don't be surprised if I don't show up. - Jarod Kintz

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. - Erma Bombeck

I don't understand men. I don't even understand what I don't understand about men. - Maureen Dowd

You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins. - Mae West

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers. - Evan Esar

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. - Unknown

The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage. - Evan Esar

Think before you speak, unless it’s urgent. - Benny Bellamacina

Click Here for more humorous quotes, or Here for the book ‘Of Wit ‘n’ Humour’

Friends

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art … It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. - C. S. Lewis

Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart. - Washington Irving

If you go looking for a friend, you're going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere. - Zig Ziglar

Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks. - Waqar Ahmed

Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with. - Robert Brault

My friends are my ‘estate’. Forgive me then the avarice to hoard them. - Emily Dickinson

New friends ... can often have a better time together than old friends. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship. -Thomas Aquinas

Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies. - Richelle Mead

The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it. - Hubert H. Humphrey

Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend. - Bill Watterson

No better relation than a prudent and faithful friend. - Benjamin Franklin

More quotes on Friends and Friendship Here - And the book, Friends Indeed

Quote worthy

The truth is that the way other people treat us isn’t about us – it’s about them and their own struggles, insecurities, and limitations. You don’t have to allow their judgment to become your truth. - Daniell Koepke

Wickedness goes to great lengths and depths where it is not checked and restrained by the free and continuous expression of the indignation of good men. - Henry Ward Beecher

The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur. - Vince Lombardi

If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see. - Henry David Thoreau

Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is a greater. Possession pampers the mind; privation trains and strengthens it. - William Hazlitt

He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils, for time is the greatest innovator. - Francis Bacon

Sometimes, the bad times in our life put us on a direct path to the very best times in our life. - Unknown

Not everyone that fights you is your enemy. Not everyone that helps you is your friend. - Unknown

Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier. - Charles F. Kettering

We are all so desperate to be understood, we forget to be understanding. - Unknown

When you let go, you create space for something better. - Unknown

It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one. - George Washington

More Quotes Here - And the book Quote Worthy

Church Bulletins

English Church Bulletins as they actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Adapted from a variety of sources including Funny Church Bulletin Board Notices):

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hello’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October Tewenty-four in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. Source unknown

Food for Thought

For me, it is as though at every moment the actual world had completely lost its actuality. As though there was nothing there; as though there were no foundations for anything or as though it escaped us. Only one thing, however, is vividly present: the constant tearing of the veil of appearances; the constant destruction of everything in construction. Nothing holds together, everything falls apart. - Eugene Ionesco

I have approximate answers and possible beliefs in different degrees of certainty about different things, but I'm not absolutely sure of anything, and of many things I don't know anything about, but I don't have to know an answer. I don't feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in the mysterious universe without having any purpose which is the way it really is as far as I can tell. - Richard Feynman

I am for doing good to the poor, but I differ in opinion of the means. I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. In my youth I travelled much, and I observed in different countries, that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer. - Ben Franklin

More Food for Thought Here and the book Food for Thought

Humorous Quotes

Somebody knocked, and I’m glad it wasn’t her. I mean I want her to come, but I thought it was him, so I ignored the knock and that’s why I’m glad it wasn’t her. I wouldn’t want to have ignored the very person I wanted to show up. - Jarod Kintz

You can say this for ready-mixes – the next generation isn’t going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make. - Earl Wilson

Choose a degree in something you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn’t hiring. - Unknown

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. - Jane Austen

Listen to your elders’ advice. Not because they are always right but because they have more experience of being wrong. - Unknown

If you don’t read the newspapers you are uninformed, if you do read the newspapers, you are misinformed. - Mark Twain

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright

When some men dance they’re all feet, and when they stop they’re all hands. - Evan Easr

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. - Unknown

There's a new wine I want to try. I heard about it through the grapevine. - Jarod Kintz

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. - Abe Lemons

Click Here for more humorous quotes, or Here for the book ‘Of Wit ‘n’ Humour’