Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. - Unknown

Never mind the mind, All that matters is matter. - Famous Epiphenomenalist

Never pray for justice, because you might get some. - Margaret Atwood

Never run after a bus or a man. There will be another. - Unknown

Never take life seriously, no one ever comes out alive anyway. - Allie Hemphill

Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting centuries for someone ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing. - G. M. Trevelyan

Next week there can’t be any crisis. My schedule is already full. - Henry A. Kissinger

No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney. - Al Smith

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. - Groucher Marx

Nowhere to go, and all day to get there. - John A. Simone Sr.

No, I'm not spoken for. I'm not even contemplated! - Unknown

Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect? - Laurence Peter

Nobody is perfect but you can’t keep using that excuse to do wrong. - Unknown

None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The record does not show that Adam and Eve were ever married. - Edgar Watson Howe

Not to put too fine a point upon it. - Charles Dickens

Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his. - Franklin P. Jones

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done. - Earl Wilson