On His Way To A Lecture
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 am and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The Officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, “That would be my wife.”
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words ‘COMPLETE’ and ‘FINISH’. Some people say there is no difference between ‘COMPLETE’ and ‘FINISHED’, but there is. When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE and when you marry the wrong woman you are FINISHED! When your wife catches you with another woman you are COMPLETELY FINISHED and when your wife likes shopping so much are FINISHED COMPLETELY! - Unknown
There was an Englishman, Scottish man, and Irishman selling bibles door to door. They had a bet on who could sell the most in a day. At the end of day they met up. The Englishman sold two, the Scottish man, three, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter said, “I-I-I sa-sa-sa-sold sa-sa-sixty!”
The other two asked, “How did you do it?”
He replies, “Wa-wa-when I-I-I na-na-na-knocked at th-th-th-the door, I say: Do-do-do-do you wa-wa-wa-want to ba-ba-ba-buy a ba-ba-ba-bible or sa-sa-sa-should I-I-I ja-ja-ja-just re-re-re-read it ta-ta-ta to you?”