Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

When a fellow says, “It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,” it’s the money. - Kin Hubbard

When a jockey retires, he becomes just another little man. - Eddie Arcaro

When a man fell into his anecdotage it was a sign for him to retire from the world. - Benjamin Disraeli

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. - John Ruskin

When a man marries a woman, they become one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. - R. C. Sherriff

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’ - Don Marquis

When asked what was the proper time for supper: If you are a rich man, whenever you please; and if you are a poor man, whenever you can. - Diogenes

When Eve upon the first of Men, the apple pressed with specious cant, Oh! What a thousand pities then that Adam was not Adamant. - Thomas Hood

When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. - Brendan Behan

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. - Marcel Achard

When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people. - Seneca