Paraprosdokans

A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. - Unknown

Alcohol does not make you fat! It makes you lean … against tables, chairs, floors, walls ... - Unknown

Don’t be afraid of a few extra pounds. Fat people are harder to kidnap. - Unknown

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them. - Unknown

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children. - Mark Twain

Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t buy you one. - Unknown

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like? - Jean Cocteau

I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius, and we're sceptical. - Arthur C Clarke

I finally figured out what I want to be when I get older … Younger! - Unknown