Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

I shut my eyes in order to see. - Paul Gauguin

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue all the time. - Unknown

I was absolutely disgusted after I accidentally clicked on some gay porn today. Worst hour and a half of my life. - Unknown

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence. - George Bernard Shaw

I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you. - Unknown

I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding. - Unknown

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? - Albert Einstein

If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll get a lot of free advice from other folks who didn’t succeed either. - Unknown

If governments are involved in covering up the knowledge of aliens, then they are doing a much better job of it than they seem to do at anything else. - Stephen Hawking

If it sounds like writing, I re-write it. - Elmore Leonard

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool that first said: “Quit while you are ahead?” - Unknown

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edward W. Howe

If you learn to work with all the negatives in life, you will definitely make better pictures out of it. - Unknown

In short, our gentleman became so caught up in reading that he spent his nights reading from dusk till dawn and his days reading from sunrise to sunset, and so with too little sleep and too much reading his brains dried up, causing him to lose his mind. - Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra