Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Getting fired is nature’s way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place. - Hal Lancaster

Go ahead. Judge me. Just remember to be perfect the rest of your life. - Unknown

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. - Unknown 

He is a self-made man and worships his creator. - Irvin S Cobb

Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common. - Dorothy Parker

I am easily satisfied with the very best. - Winston Churchill

I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde

I am what I am, and that’s all that I am. - Popeye, the Sailor Man

I don’t think I am any good. If I thought I was any good, I wouldn’t be. - John Betjeman

I hate when people assume I don’t like them. I want them to ask me, so I can tell them myself. - Unknown

I have reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me. - Unknown

I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because I’m still looking for ideas. - Unknown 

I love being a writer. What I hate is the paperwork. - Peter De Vries

I matured when I realized that not every situation needs, my reaction. Sometimes you just have to leave people do the dumb shit they want to do. - Unknown