Monday, 29 June 2015

Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. - George Carlin

My brain has no heart. My heart has no brain. That’s why when I speak my mind, I seem heartless and when I do what’s in my heart I seem thoughtless. - Unknown

My dear, religion is alike a penis. It’s a perfectly fine thing for one to have and take pride in, but when one takes it out and waves it in my face we have a problem. - Unknown

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. - Michel E De Montaigne

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose. - Robin Williams

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. - Will Durant

People who always brag about being nothing but ‘brutally honest’ get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty. - Richard J Needham

People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think. - George Carlin

Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings. - Unknown

She wanted, with her fickleness, to make my destruction constant; I want, by trying to destroy myself, to satisfy her desire. - Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, count to ten, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you wouldn’t look good in prison stripes and just smile at that dumb-ass and walk away. - Unknown

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