Life is all about ass … You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one! - Unknown
My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
I asked a sexy Chinese girl for her number. She replied, "Sex sex sex free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She meant 6663629."
Next time you go on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and tell the person in front of you, "Dude, these came out of your seat!"
What happened when Past, Present and Future walked into a bar?
It was tense.
Q: Where can I find a committed man?
A: Try a mental hospital.