Have a good laugh from time to time. The burden of life is lightened when we laugh – sometimes, at life, sometimes, at ourselves. A laugh at our own expense costs nothing. Besdes, the person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
It's hard ... to hate a man who laughs at himself and the rest of the world. - Jo Clayton
Enjoy today’s selection of humour. They are funny, but at the same time, there is truth in them. I hope they bring on a chuckle, or put a smile on your face.
It is a peculiarity of knitters that they chronically underestimate the amount of time it takes to knit something. Birthday on Saturday? No problem. Socks are small. Never mind that the average sock knit out of sock-weight yarn contains about 17,000 stitches. Never mind that you need two of them. (That’s 34,000 stitches, for anybody keeping track.) Socks are only physically small. By stitch count, they are immense. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee
The Lawyers’ trade is a trade built entirely on words. And so long as the lawyers carefully keep to themselves the key to what those words mean, the only way the average man can find out what is going on is to become a lawyer, or at least to study law, himself. All of which makes it very nice – and very secure – for the lawyers. - Fred Rodell
In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time. - Abraham Lincoln
Losing a mate to death is devastating but it’s not a personal attack like divorce. When somebody you love stops loving you and walks away, it’s an insult beyond comparison. - Sue Merrell
In my vast experience, I’ve found it always wiser to go along with female advice … First, you make them happy by doing what they tell you. That’s the main thing. Let them think they’re in control. They love it. Then, if it turns out they were right, everything’s cool. If it turns out they were wrong ... then you have the pleasure of basking in the glow of superiority. - Richard Laymon
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control. - Diana Jordan
It’s actually not too difficult to get a dog to bring a ball back to you once you learn how. It helps to start by understanding that dogs are just trying to teach you to play their game while you’re trying to teach them yours. Who ends up training whom first depends on you. Keep in mind that dogs are naturals as animal trainers, while humans aren’t, so you’d better be on your toes when you start to try out “fetch” with a new dog. - Patricia McConnel
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? - Warren Hutcherson
Men and women are natural enemies, like cat and dog – only more so. They are forced to live together for a time, or this wonderful race couldn’t go on. - Neith Boyce
In order to know whether a human being is young or old, offer it food of different kinds at short intervals. If young, it will eat anything at any hour of the day or night. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. - Jerry Seinfeld
It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favourite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. - Nick Hornby
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